Facts About Downtown Cabbey’s Highclear Castle

Behold this venerable monument to the power of love.


Built stone by stone by William the Industrious in 1101 as a tribute to his wife Elizabeth, the romantic Highclear Castle has stood the test of time and weathered many storms.

The faux widow’s walk with the windowless shutters proved to be prophetic, for in 1102, when William set sail to discover the Americas, Elizabeth spent 40 days and 40 nights chained to the balcony in desperation for her beloved to return home, unaware that he had perished in the great storm that overtook Popeye’s sailor boat with the fury of Poseidon.

The shutters have remained sealed shut for every century since, never allowing light to penetrate the spray-foam recesses of the upper bailey, rather like love never again penetrated Elizabeth’s heart.

The service entrance houses the tomb of Elizabeth and an effigy of William himself, as well as buckets of 14-piece chicken, two large sides, and 7 biscuits. The plastic-topped trash bin marks the centerpiece of a 40-acre complex, which includes a chapel and a guest house, and is set in formal gardens bounded on three sides by a single boxwood, a McDonald’s, an Aldi, and a BatteriesPlus.

On cloudy days Elizabeth’s ghost is often seen pacing the fake balcony’s classic elegance, adding appeal to the architectural style and possibly increasing the value of the property.

The castle was designated as a UNOSGO World Heritage Site in 1583 for being “the jewel of romantic art in America and a universally admired masterpiece of the world’s astounding architectural heritage.”

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